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Michael Mallards
He never quacks. He never runs. He's already behind you.
$34.00Free U.S. shipping over $50
Garment
Color — Black
SizeSize guide
Left-chest placement — 3.5″ art over the heart, on garment-dyed Comfort Colors blanks. Buttery-soft 100% USA grown cotton on the 1717 tee.
🔒 Secure checkout↩ 30-day easy returns🦆 Ships in 2–4 days
The Duck
Bleached white mask, navy coveralls, and a walk that never once speeds up. He doesn't quack and he doesn't rush — yet somehow he's already at the far end of the tub. Babysitters have started charging extra.
Fabric & Fit
- Tee: Comfort Colors 1717 — 6.1oz garment-dyed heavyweight ringspun cotton, broken-in boxy feel from day one
- Crewneck: Comfort Colors 1566 — 9.5oz garment-dyed fleece, ribbed collar/cuffs/hem
- Garment-dyed = every blank is very slightly one-of-one. Like you.
- Unisex sizing — size up for the oversized look
Shipping & Returns
- Free U.S. shipping on orders $50+
- Ships in 2–4 business days from our pond (Las Vegas, NV)
- 30-day returns — unworn, unwashed, un-ducked
Complete the flock
Any 3 tees for $75 — mix legends freely. Discount applies automatically in cart.
Cities
New Yolk City
The duck that never sleeps.
$34.00
Tee
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Athletes
Erling Haaduck
Scores. Sits down. Meditates. Repeats.
$34.00
Tee
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Athletes
Larry Duck
Calls the shot, sinks it, waddles off.
$34.00
Tee
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Athletes
Lionel Quacksi
Smallest bird in the pond. Biggest trophy shelf.
$34.00
Tee
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★★★★★ 4.9 from the flock
★★★★★"Wore it to Thanksgiving. Chaos."My uncle argued with the duck for 20 minutes. 10/10 print quality, super soft.
— Danny R., verified buyer
★★★★★"The left chest placement is genius"Looks like a normal nice tee from across the room. Then people get close. Then they lose it.
— Mariah T., verified buyer
★★★★☆"Bought 3, need 12"The embroidery on the crewneck is legit dense and clean. Only complaint: they keep dropping new ones and I keep paying.
— Alex P., verified buyer
Michael MallardsT-Shirt · Black · S